So, let’s get this straight; director Brett Ratner makes an off-handed comment about film rehearsals only being beneficial to homosexuals (?) and now Eddie Murphy is no longer going to be the host at this year’s Oscars. Whaaat?
It must be because Ratner, whom Murphy just made the under performing “Tower Heist” with, was to produce the ceremony and Murphy was involved because Ratner had asked him. Wonder what they were going to do about rehearsing the show, both of them being staunch heterosexuals and all? So now Ratner has stepped down because of the negative reactions to his astute observations and Murphy has gone with him.
Fine. There are plethoras of people who can take his place and there is still plenty of time until the first statue is to be handed out on February 26th. That’s 3 and half months away, which is like 2 entire Kim Kardashian marriages. So here is a list of suggestions. We can choose together.
James Franco: Let’s be honest, Anne Hathaway held him back last year. As Hathaway ran around changing outfits while singing and dancing she distracted from the pure awkwardness and reluctance that Franco was trying to bring to the table. If we let him take the job all alone I’m pretty sure he would deteriorate down to near nothing and spend the last half of the show weaving a basket in the middle of the stage while listening to his ipod.
Ricky Gervais/Russell Brand co-host: Both have experience: Brand with a couple of stellar stints with MTV Video awards and Gervais nailed the Golden Globes last year. They could open the show with the two Brits systematically going to each member of the audience and saying something biting and mean spirited about all of them. This may take some time but it would be so funny! Or rude. I sometimes get those mixed up.
Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig co-host: Let the ladies take a turn. With “Bridesmaids” these two have established themselves as two of the funniest people in Tinsel Town. This one is actually a good idea.
Harry Potter: With the release of the final movie and no more books to be had the masses want more Potter. Here is a great way to give it to them. He could fly in on his broom and wrestle Ralph Fiennes during one of the boring song presentations. Maybe do one of those things where they put the host in different movies and make it look like Harry is in “The Descendents” standing bedside with Clooney’s dying wife. I love it when they do that!
Ryan Seacrest: The host of our generation. The modern day Dick Clark. Mr. E News Daily. Maybe we decide as a nation to let this man host everything from here on out. The Grammys. The Emmys. The Kiwanis Club of Issaquah’s Volunteer of the Year presentation. All in favor?
Billy Crystal: Again? Well it has been a long time. And he doesn’t have much to do since the funding fell out for “Mr. Saturday Night Part 2”. So, why not? While we are reliving the past we could see if David Letterman is available. That went well.
Honorable Mentions:
Zach Galifianakis– Can get a little tux for the beard.
Ryan Gosling– He’s in everything this year, right?
The (alleged) Bieber Baby– To really change things up. Get that kid an (alleged) microphone!
Ron Swanson– What I said about Seacrest… same thing goes for Swanson.