First off, let’s hope that Roland Emmerich/The Ancient Mayans were wrong and Dec. 21st, 2012 is not the last day we get to enjoy the planet Earth.
There are several reasons for this notion but the most important is “The Hobbit”. You see, the upcoming film version of the classic tale has been split into two parts, the first being “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” which is to be released on Dec. 14th, a full week before the supposed end of the world. But the next chapter, “The Hobbit: There and Back Again” won’t hit the screens until Dec. 13th, 2013 (if anyone is around to see it) and I just don’t think I want to live in a world that doesn’t have the decency to wait until “The Hobbit” is over to end.
Another reason is that I have a child who is only a few months old and it would be nice if she could enjoy the splendors of this beautiful world. Maybe we should switch those actually. The main reasons I don’t want the world to end:
1- My daughter.
2- I want to see the conclusion of the “The Hobbit”.
Actually when it comes to trips to the cinema, there are plenty of things to look forward to in 2012. Here are some projects that pop out, get the hairs to stick up and make me want to crump dance. Let me know if I missed any…
The Year of the Fairy Tale– Its as if the Power Suits of Hollywood get together every now and again and decide to collectively exploit a particular genre. In 2012 we have moved on from comic book superheroes to the works of the Brothers Grimm with 4 major releases based on fairy tales. Television has already jumped on this one with “Once Upon a Time” which features Snow White bickering with the Evil Queen. The multiplexes will in turn see two Snow White projects: the family friendly “Mirror Mirror” (releases March 16th) from visionary director Tarsem and the grittier “Snow White and the Huntsmen” (June 1st). Director Bryan Singer (“X-Men,” “Superman Returns”) will chop down the beanstalk in “Jack the Giant Killer” (June 15th) and finally we have “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” (March 2nd) starring Jeremy Renner and directed by the man who brought us “Dead Snow,” the Norwegian Nazi Zombie extravaganza.
Comic Book Superheroes– Even though the new “Hollywood Hotness” is the Fairy Tale Flick, we will still get plentiful doses of the Superhero. “The Dark Knight Rises” (July 20th) will conclude Christopher Nolan’s take on Batman. The film will be huge but I’m guessing it won’t see the box office numbers that “The Dark Knight” generated without the late Heath Ledger. Don’t be sad if this is truly the end of our favorite vigilante, they will probably just reboot it with a younger Batman so they can tell the whole story over again. Much like what has been done to “The Amazing Spider-Man” (July 3rd), which features a younger Spidey (Andrew Garfield) battling middle aged Lizard (Rhys Ifans). “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” (February 17th) unfortunately does not feature a younger Johnny Blaze and we will get to see Nick Cage overact his way to the film’s end credits. Then there is “Dredd,” (September 21st) the do-over that looks to correct Sly Stallone’s brutally bad take on the brutally badass Judge. I still say that “Judge Dredd” was Rob Schneider’s greatest work and, as sarcasm doesn’t always read properly, I will point out that I’m just kidding. “Hot Chick” was Schneider at the top of his game. And after years of set up we will finally get to see all of “The Avengers” (May 4th) in the same room. Let’s hope it was worth the wait.
The 3-D era lives on? – Looks like a new angle on the whole 3-D gimmick is to re-release the hits of yesterday and we will see a few of these in 2012. Following the success of “The Lion King,” Disney will trot out “Beauty and the Beast” (January 13th) while George Lucas, the King of the Do-Over, will attempt to squeeze another dollar from the Fanboys with the 3-D modified “Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace” (February 10th). People will flock, I’m sure. Then there is Mr. James Cameron, 3-D’s greatest champion, who searches for another billion dollars with his 3-D transfer of “Titanic” (April 6th). I’m still waiting for the announcement that they will give the treatment to “My Dinner with Andre”. It would be just like sitting at the table!!!
More sequels– Plenty of your favorite films are coming back (again). If it makes money the first time, imagine what it will make the fifth time….
Kate Beckinsale returns for “Underworld Awakening” (January 20th). Anna Faris returns for “Scary Movie 5” (April 20th). Captain Kirk returns for another “Star Trek” (June 29th) from J.J. Abrams. Then there is: “G.I. Joe 2” (June 29th), “Diary of a Wimpy Kid 3” (August 3rd), “The Expendables 2” (August 17th), “Resident Evil 5” (September 14th) and another trip to the “Ice Age” (July 13th).
If you get a little downtrodden with all the regurgitation, remember when they try to do something “new” they decide to make two versions of Snow White. At least with these films, we know what we are getting.
The Promising Ones– There are a few coming down the pipeline that are sure to please. “The Hunger Games” (March 23rd) looks to fill the “movie based on a best selling Young Adult novel” void left by “Twilight” and “Harry Potter”. Director Steven Soderbergh strokes his inner-Tarantino with bloody-fisted action flick “Haywire” (January 20th) while Tarantino strokes his inner-Leone with the western “Django Unchained” (December 25th). Sacha Baron Cohen gives us more biting commentary with “The Dictator” (May 11th) and Josh Whedon deconstructs the horror film with “The Cabin in the Woods” (April 13th).
There you go. Plenty of promise and more than a handful of surprises to come in 2012. As long as the world does not explode or implode or the core overheats or whatever, this should be a great year.