When it comes to watching a movie, its nice if you can invest in the situation or idea that is supposed to compel you to sit on your ass for ninety minutes and watch. If disbelief can be suspended. Otherwise, you will sit there the entire time rolling the eyes and mumbling to yourself that Scooby Doo shouldn’t be able to talk because he’s a dog.
Well “The Babymakers,” the new moving picture making its way to Blu-ray/DVD 9/18/12, is so asinine that I couldn’t believe one minute of it. It is more correct to refer to this as a “moving picture” instead of a “comedy” because there is no humor in the film while it is true statement to say that the pictures are indeed moving throughout the entire running time. “The Babymakers” only redeeming quality is that we now have an entry for the “Worst of 2012” list and those are hard to come by.
Sad thing is that the director of this debacle, Jay Chandrasekhar, is a funny and talented man. He came from the comedy troupe Broken Lizard that brought us some funny flicks such as “Super Troopers” and “Beerfest”. Hell, I even loved “Club Dread”. Saw it in the theater opening day and found it to be a hilariously twisted mash up of 80’s horror and raunch humor. After the small direct-to-DVD effort, “The Slammin’ Salmon” (starring the late Michael Duncan Clark), the band broke up. If “The Babymakers” is an example of what Jay can do solo, he may as well fold up his director’s chair and split.
Here’s the synopsis for this gem: Tommy (Paul Schneider) and Audrey (Olivia Munn) have been married for 3 years now and the plan is to now start a family. The “Having A Bunch of Sex” montage follows. After nine months of nothing, it seems as if something is wrong and the couple decide to get checked out by a fertility doctor. The “Trying to Ejaculate in a Cup” montage follows. This actually goes on for nearly ten minutes with each of Tommy’s efforts being thwarted. Jesus gets involved and Tommy finally “finishes” because of a picture of cantaloupes. Funny stuff?
Well Tommy is infertile but is shocked because he donated sperm five years ago to buy Audrey here engagement ring. He finds out there is one batch left but it’s been sold already and the “owners” will not give it back to Tommy. Why not? Why would someone deny this man his sperm back when they could get another dose just as easy? Because the movie has no logic. It wouldn’t happen. And when Tommy goes to steal his little guys back, the film devolves into special form of idiocy that isn’t good for even the smallest chuckle.
This movie is entirely made up of sex jokes. Two-dimensional characters sitting around talking about the same thing at all times. I was a single man until I was 30years old and hung around some of the foulest men known to man with no one around to keep us from being deviants. And from experience I can tell you that we only talked about sex 65% of the time. The rest of our conversations were about football and sharing cooking tips. The film should have just changed the subject.