(Note: Please read the following sentence aloud in your best “Movie Trailer Guy” voice.)
What horror awaits you in “The Cabin in the Woods”? What evil slumbers beneath the floorboards, down in the dank and dark cellar? What the hell is this movie about?
The answers to these questions are: I cannot tell you.
(Note: Stop reading aloud in your best “Movie Trailer Guy” voice unless, of course, you’re feeling it. Then please proceed.)
The reason for the extra tight lips is because the genius of “The Cabin in the Woods” lies in its secrets, its mystery. The film is monstrously entertaining and inventive and its success hinges on leaving the twists and turns untouched. I will say that the final act of “The Cabin in the Woods” is the most exciting and jaw dropping 20 minutes of cinema that I have seen in years.
So, with that said, I present to you the most vague synopsis I could possibly come up with in the name of Spoiler Free movie review synopsis writing.
The tagline slapped on all the advertising is: “Five friends go to a remote cabin in the woods. Bad things happen.” That about sums it up. There are a couple of attractive ladies (Kristen Connolly and Anna Hutchison) and a couple of attractive guys (Chris Hemsworth and Jesse Williams). There is also a geeky kid (the sensational Fran Kranz) who sits in the corner most of the time smoking a copious amount of pot and spewing hazy concepts and theories.
With a little coercion, the kids find themselves in the fruit cellar that is filled with creepy knick-knacks. It is there that Dana (Connolly) finds an old diary and reads a passage from it that is written in Latin. You ever see “Evil Dead”? It’s a lot like that.
Anyway, after reading the incantation, dead things start trying to kill the poor college kids. Chaos ensues.
And just to tease and give you a taste of the next layer of story, there are a group of men and women in lab coats sitting a control room that looks like something you would find at NASA who are making the entire hell night happen.
Done.
“The Cabin in the Woods” was co-written and directed by Drew Goddard who penned the script for the impressive “Cloverfield” a few years back. The two films are companion pieces as both take a very familiar sub-genre and completely deconstruct it to make something fresh and exhilarating. The man remixes movies. While “Cloverfield” told a “Godzilla” story entirely from the perspective of the tiny people running away from the monster, “Cabin” goes a step further and turns everything upside down. From the very first scene you will be a little perplexed but the effect makes for an incredibly engaging viewing experience and not a frustrating one.
In fact the film is so cerebral and operates on such a different level than you’re used to that the movie sacrifices any real horror. The film is not scary and could be considered a dark comedy before it would be described as a shocker flick. Again, it is kindred spirits with Sam Raimi’s “Evil Dead” series and bears the most similarities with “Evil Dead 2” in tone and tempo.
Go see “The Cabin in the Woods” before it gets tainted by that blabby friend that always gives away a movie’s twists. That is never a good time. I had “Fight Club” ruined for me and watched the film for the first time knowing that Norton and Pitt were the same guy (and if I just ruined “Fight Club” for you, I apologize, but seriously?? You should have gotten that one in by now).