Vin Diesel makes 80’s movies.
This has been true for nearly his entire career but it took seeing him in a braided beard fighting demon-witches with a sword on fire for me to figure it out. Riddick, xXx and the Furious saga all are films that Schwarzenegger or Stallone would have made. Hell, even The Pacifier is a Kindergarten Cop-esque comedy. Note: I would like to point out that this is the first time Kindergarten Cop-esque has ever been utilized in the English language. It is also the last time it will be utilized in the English language.
Due to his artistic choices, I am a fan of Vin Diesel. He aims to entertain the way he was probably entertained as kid and for the most part the throwback star accomplishes just that. Serviceable action movies and The Last Witch Hunter is just that: Serviceable.
In the film we meet Kaulder (Diesel) as he battles the Witch Queen (Julie Engelbrecht) 800 years ago. She has brought the Black Plague to the land and the witch hunter has vowed to destroy her. In the first few moments of the film he achieves his goal but is cursed with immortality. Jump cut to modern day New York City and Kaulder is still around because that is how immortality basically works.
He works with a secret Catholic society to keep the balance between the magical witches and the witless humans. He is alone (all the ladies sigh) and a badass (all the men grunt) and spends the film battling some extra-evil bad guys that want to resurrect the Queen and bring death to the land again.
Michael Caine has a handful of scenes in his Alfred-mode, providing advice to the broken hero with his cockney lilt. Rose Leslie from Game of Thrones plays the lady intrest/sidekick just fine but does not add much. Elijah Wood also makes a couple of appearances but is barely in the film. It’s mostly Vin punching and kicking while some CG magic happens all around him.
The Last Witch Hunter does not break too far from convention but it is good popcorn-movie fodder. Vin struts and grumbles accordingly and there are some solid action sequences that will get the teenage boys plenty excited.
I apologize for the standard Intro/synopsis/cast/wrap up movie review. But the movie is standard so I respond accordingly.