Transformers:Dark of the Moon Review

Transformers:Dark of the Moon

Let’s not wax pensive about “Transformers: Dark of the Moon”. The film has plenty of flaws to pick at and the adrenaline-soaked action sequences sometimes border on soul numbing. To complain about the convoluted plot is sort of like having issue with the validity of a “Scooby Doo” episode: Why take fault with the idea that Old Man Withers spends his nights dressed as the Chocolate Ghoul, chasing kids out of a gold mine shaft while ignoring that the main character is a talking dog? This is a big, dumb summer flick about robots that turn into cars. In glorious 3D! If that sounds cool to you, then you’re going to love this movie, plain and simple.

After saving the world twice over, Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf) finds himself out of college and (in attempt by the filmmakers to be topical) looking for work in this terrible economy. Things are so bad in this country that even our heroes can’t catch a break. He is accompanied by a new girlfriend/supermodel/sex object named Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) who has taken over for Miss Megan Fox after her much-publicized departure from the project. This is a film directed by Mr. Michael Bay, of course, and it needs to be populated by power-gorgeous girls that weigh 94 pounds to keep the film’s “hotness” quotient up to full tilt. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley accomplishes this and Fox is not missed.

As for the Transformers, turns out they were the cause of the Space Race between the USA and Russia. In a turn that mirrors the assertions made in “X Men: First Class” that the Professor X and his mutants were involved in the Cuban Missile Crisis, it is revealed in “Transformers 3” that the soul reason we went to the moon back in 1969 was to investigate a crashed Autobot spacecraft called the Ark. Hence the title of the movie…because the ship is found on the dark side of the moon. I know its called “Dark of the Moon” but I suppose Pink Floyd already snagged the more literal title.

There are government agents lead by the disdainful C.I.A. agent Mearing (Frances McDormand) and John Turturro inexplicably turns up again as Simmons. Sam’s parents make an appearance because Bay obviously thinks they are hilarious (why else are they here? I lost my love for them in the second film when Sam’s mother (Julie White) ate a pot brownie and tackled a college kid). There are new, cute and tiny robots and new deadly flying robots, spacebridges and Leonard Nimoy, Mc Dreamy, Buzz Aldrin, cosmonauts, lost pillars and a murder mystery (of sorts) involving the hilarious Ken Jeong. I would tell you more of the particulars of the storyline but (a) does it matter? and (b) I got confused. Why a big, dumb has to have so many plot layers is beyond me. I guess it comes down to more, more, more of everything.

The film is pure spectacle and features the best live-action 3D effects since “Avatar” (if you can call these movies almost entirely built in a computer “live-action”). Bay continuously slows the images down so you can see all the moving and morphing parts flinging and flying. The effects are nearly the single reason to see the film but it gives the goods to you en masse. For some reason along the way, the “Transformers” series has become a bizarre comedy as well. This go around is fused with cocky, quick pattering jokes throughout. It never really works and makes me wish they would remove the coffee pots from the set so the actors could just slow down and breathe. LaBeouf is the guiltiest of this charge, rapidly spewing out nearly ever line of dialogue. His performance is as spastic as ever.

This is an improvement over the last entry-that film hinged entirely on its talking robots to the point that it made me sick of talking robots much like “Showgirls” made me sick of nudity. Bay and crew tries to develop at least a little motivation before the fireworks. Once they come, you get your fill, and if you don’t leave the theater exhausted, you should go get yourself tested for attention deficit disorder.