DVDPinson’s DVD Reviews 10/5/10

The Karate Kid Redux features a new Fresh Prince

Will Smith has enough push and clout in the kingdom of Hollywood that he was able to give his 11-year-old son, Jaden, his own movie! We are not talking about a little independent film that plays at a couple of festivals and slips off directly to Blu-ray. This is a remake of “The Karate Kid,” a big budgeted summer movie featuring an aging superstar in Jackie Chan and filmed almost entirely on location in China. Getting this film produced is a feat that firmly confirms that the former Fresh Prince is the reigning King of the A-List set.

The average film-goer could guess the plot of “The Karate Kid” without seeing one single frame. Dre Parker (Smith) is uprooted from the house where he grew up in Detroit and moves to Beijing, China when his mother (Taraji P. Henson) is transferred for work. In this strange new world Dre is greeted with more blank stares than friendly smiles and he soon makes an enemy of the local bully, Cheng (Zhenwei Wang) who beats Dre senseless with his powerful kung fu.

Dre looks for guidance and karate training from Mr. Han (Jackie Chan), the local maintenance man who is secretly a kung fu master. Mr. Han eventually agrees and teaches the child kung fu through the proven technique of repetition of mundane chores (here the original’s “wax on, wax off” is replaced with “jacket on, jacket off”). Dre is faced with the challenge of besting Cheng at a kung fu tournament while earning the respect and acceptance of those he faces in battle.

The original 1984 version of “The Karate Kid” was really just a retelling of the “Rocky” story. John G. Avildsen directed both films in fact. This version remains faithful to its source material and delivers the rousing emotions that a good underdog story can produce. Chan seems to relish the opportunity to play with some dramatic material and nails it. Pat Morita’s Mr. Miyagi is a classic character and Mr. Han isn’t nearly as lovable, yet Chan is able to distance himself enough and deliver something refreshing. There is an emotional scene in the film that is easily the best acting of his career.

Lil’ Smith has a handful of amateur moments, most involving the awkward scenes with his love interest, but he comes across as likable and charming for the most part. Physically, he looks, almost distractingly, just like his father and shares his charisma. China is presented as almost a supporting character and the films locations are a true highlight.

The film’s major weakness is its length. The first half is littered with little unimportant moments that could easily have excised without losing a thing. The pace is plodding and the information gets repetitious. We don’t need four scenes showing Dre getting bullied around or three chases through the streets of Beijing. Director Harald Zwart nearly kills the fun but gets things going once Chan gets involved and the kung fu starts to fly.

The new “Karate Kid” serves as an exercise to establish young Jaden as a budding new prince and heir apparent to the throne. Yet the question that is buried at the heart of this cinematic do-over is simple: Is Jaden Fresh? Showcasing the mini-Will’s pop and lock dance moves and presenting visual proof that he is able to kick really high, this movie spends all of its (overlong) 140 minute running time selling you on the idea that he is the real deal. Slowly, he grows on you and by the film’s final freeze frame; you will be rooting for the little guy.

Nightmare on Elm Street Redux Fails Completely

When it comes to horror icons, Freddy Krueger is arguably the top enchilada. The “Halloween” films feature the featureless masked murderer, Mike Myers, who spends each movie lumbering about, splaying teenagers open with an assortment of weapons. There’s no style to it, no personality. “Friday the 13th”’s Jason is merely a Mike Myers clone who wears a cooler mask. He roams the woods that surround Crystal Lake splaying teenagers open with an assortment of weapons. He is boring and trite and is, in almost every sense of the word, a hack.

Freddy Krueger has wit and the weapon; the hand crafted glove of death that slices and slashes. He represents true terror that hunts you in your dreams. I love Wes Craven’s original “Nightmare on Elm Street” and I even like a couple of the sequels (Part 3: Dream Warriors is fantastic!). When the remake was announced, I was ecstatic that the Michael Bay Horror Movie Makeover Machine was finally getting around to making something that is due for an overhaul. Who wants a redux version of “The Hitcher”? “Nightmare on Elm Street” is great source material that has massive potential.

Sadly, however, this movie fails to live up to this potential. Director Samuel Bayer lacks the ability to breathe any new life into the franchise, falling directly into the predictable rhythms and scenarios that killed the Elm Street films in the first place. As funny as it sounds, this remake’s main problem is that it lacks originality.

The films plot shares more than a handful of similarities with 1984 original. A burned man wearing a fedora and a filthy sweater is haunting the children of Springwood in their dreams. Nancy (Rooney Mara) and her boyfriend, Quentin (Kyle Gallner) tries to piece together the mystery that connects them to the disfigured mad man. Their friends fall victim one by one and soon they learn that the only way to stay alive is to stay awake. But no one can stay conscious forever and when they finally fall asleep, Freddy will be waiting for them.

There is no new spin here. We are presented with a small parade of beautiful young lads and ladies being chased through familiar looking sets to their familiar looking doom. There are no surprises and very little scares. What jolts there are usually come form sudden spikes in the soundtrack accompanied with Krueger jumping out from behind a trashcan. This is lazy horror that would have no effect whatsoever if the theater didn’t have the speakers cranked up so loud. The original film was very effective at establishing the feel of a nightmare. The streets were shrouded in fog and random goats inexplicably roamed around. Freddy was always cast in the shadows and would slice off his fingers or spill his guts just to get a reaction from his prey. You got a sense that Freddy got off on fear and that was the driving force behind his sadism. All of that is missing here.
To be fair, Jackie Earle Haley does an admirable job at tackling the roll of Fred Krueger. He brings a heavy ferocity to the character and moves the film into some dark territory expertly. Robert Englund’s original portrayal of Freddy is classic but the one-liners got a bit worn after a while and taking things into a serious direction was a good choice. This “Nightmare on Elm Street” does twist and tweak Freddy’s origin that gives the film’s last half hour a little life and zeal but it comes too late.

It would be nice if the purpose of remaking movies were to add something to the existing story and maybe even improve on it. Zack Snyder did well by “Dawn of the Dead” by creating a film that had its own thoughts and purpose while paying respect to the material that spawned it. But movies like “Nightmare on Elm Street” makes it pretty apparent that the sole purpose behind its creation is to rehash old thoughts and repackage it to make an easy dollar. You can do that to Jason and Mike but Freddy deserved better.

Splice has a cool creature and little else

When it comes to what is wrong with the new science fiction/horror/comedy movie, “Splice,” the list is extensive. Therefore, before focusing on the faults of the picture and merely creating a diatribe of disdain, let’s take a moment to comment on what the film does well. The centerpiece monster is a young woman-thing named Dren (Delphine Chaneac) and she is a wonder to observe. Created by make-up masters Howard Berger and Greg Nicotero, Dren is cool mix of a jumble of creatures that makes for a beast that is both sexy and creepy. Her features are striking with her huge, wide set eyes (a look straight out of 2007’s vampire flick “30 Days of Night”) and a long tail that is equipped with a slimy and deadly stinger. It is fun to watch her saunter around for a while but once the novelty wears off; “Splice” is left with little else to offer.

“Splice” tells the story of rock star DNA scientists Clive Nicoli (Adrien Brody) and Elsa Kast (Sarah Polley) who specialize in the splicing the genes of different species to make hybrids that look much like giant computer generated flesh toned tongues. These hybrids are used to create proteins that help fight diseases in animals. Elsa would like to take the next logical step and introduce human DNA into the mix with the hope of finding the cure for cancer. The moral and ethical questions are too much for the pharmaceutical company that funds their research and Elsa and Clive are told to desist from any further experiments. Elsa, in a move that echoes Eve biting the fruit of knowledge, continues with the project and Clive reluctantly follows.

What they create is a frightened, deformed childlike oddity that Elsa names Dren. With no children of her own, Elsa quickly begins to treat the beast as her child. Dren is aging rapidly and soon she resembles a young woman (with a tail and kangaroo legs). In a risky move, the two transport Dren to Elsa’s family farm for more seclusion and Dren begins to morph into something more dangerous and frightening. Both Elsa and Clive bond to the monster in different and disturbing ways and once the bonds begin to erode, Dren’s true nature takes shape.

“Splice” starts out promising, with atmospheric scenes in the laboratory shot with blown out florescent lighting that makes the actors look sickly and intense. The film delivers the promised goo and gore early and the premise is quickly established. Once the monster is introduced, however, the story has little where else to go. Everything gets repetitive and slowly losses its logic and urgency. This is the type of schlock that is peddled over at the SyFy Channel that might have made for a descent episode of “Masters of Horrors”.

As far as names go, “Splice” is a suitable title for this film as it is an amalgamation of several familiar tales. This is “Frankenstein” meets “Alien” meets “The Fly Part 2” meets “Species” meets etc. The familiar subject and tone of the film is hard to enjoy and director Vincenzo Natali does nothing to add anything fresh or original to the clichés stringed together to makeup his film. Brody and Polley both come across as bored and unengaged with the proceedings going on around them. There is a shift late in the film that makes the rest of the film (intentionally?) laughable and much of the finale is far too predictable. What good there is in “Splice” is pulled thin and what is left is a boring and plodding mess.