{"id":10827,"date":"2016-02-20T12:39:30","date_gmt":"2016-02-20T20:39:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cinemastance.com\/?p=10827"},"modified":"2016-02-20T12:39:30","modified_gmt":"2016-02-20T20:39:30","slug":"bernie-goes-to-hollywood-5-remakes-that-need-to-be-made","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/?p=10827","title":{"rendered":"Bernie Goes to Hollywood: 5 Remakes that Bernie Should Make"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>There are few truths in this world. That\u2019s a fact.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Water is wet in it\u2019s liquid form. The world is round-ish. Birds are stupid. All true yet none ring more objective than these two factoids:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Hollywood Loves remakes\/reboot\/do-overs with a capital L. Why worry about what a movie is about when you can just make it about something that was already something?<\/li>\n<li>Hollywood is populated with 97% wack-o, liberal, bleeding-heart crazy people that want nothing more than to create entertainment that pushes their silent agenda. I learned this from Fox News so it must be a solid, firm fact.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Considering these 2 realities it came as no surprise to us here at Cinemastance when we stumbles upon a handful of reboot movie projects being pitched to the high-up Studio mucky mucks that blatantly attempt to push Democratic Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders into the limelight. Let\u2019s call this what it is: Propaganda. Insert poop emoji here.<br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.cinemastance.com\/bernie-goes-to-hollywood-5-remakes-that-need-to-be-made\/a2-347\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10830\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-10830\" src=\"http:\/\/www.cinemastance.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/a2-6.jpg\" alt=\"a2\" width=\"800\" height=\"500\" \/><\/a><br \/>\nWe combed the entertainment rags. We interviewed script readers. We made things up. All in an attempt to present to you, the Constant Reader, these five remake ideas that awkwardly insert Bernie Sanders into the synopsis.<\/p>\n<p><em>Bernie\u2019s Millions- <\/em>Yet another adaptation of the George Barr McCutcheon\u2019s novel <em>Brewster\u2019s Millions<\/em>. After losing the Democratic nod to Hillary, Bernie receives an anonymous donation of $30 Million dollars from George Clooney. Bernie then mounts a protest campaign urging American voters to vote for \u201cNone of the Above\u201d. The script also calls for a talking horse that advises Bernie regarding political strategy to be voiced by the Ghost of John Candy. In the end Bernie gets the girl and \u201cNone of the Above\u201d wins the presidency.<\/p>\n<p><em>Election<\/em>&#8211; Here in a rehash of the 1999 Reese Witherspoon vehicle, Bernie plays teenage girl Tracy Flick. Flick is a successful high school junior running for student body president. Director Gus Van Sant is behind this project and intends to give it his \u201cPsycho\u201d treatment; a shot for shot, line for line remake to illustrate the ultimate in the Creative Lazy Movement. Also attached is Greg Cannom, the makeup wizard that brought the Wayans Brother\u2019s classic <em>White Chicks <\/em>to vivid life. Please pause to picture Mr. Sanders in <em>White Chick <\/em>make up and a blond wig playing an overeager girl doing whatever it takes to win the <em>Election<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>Weekend at Bernie\u2019s- <\/em>A remake in name only, unfortunately this does not feature a dead Bernie being traipsed around to optimum comedic satisfaction. There are no Larry and Richard with a lifeless corpse tied to their body cruising the beach, bird doggin\u2019 the ladies. No. This is simply about a very pleasant weekend at the Sanders\u2019 residence. There is a nice dinner party. Cocktails by the pool. A brief discussion about the importance of <em>The Sopranos\u2019 <\/em>influence on today\u2019s television landscape. [Sample dialogue: Bernie- \u201cSimple. If there were no <em>Sopranos, <\/em>then no <em>Breaking Bad<\/em>, no <em>Walking Dead<\/em>. David Chase set the table for all that is right on the boob tube today and deserves a goddam medal!\u201d] More <em>My Dinner with Andre<\/em> than <em>Morons Shouldn\u2019t Play with Dead Things. <\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>The Omega Man\/I am Legend\/The Last Man on Earth\/Idiocracy- <\/em>Here Bernie plays the last sane man on the planet. He is surrounded by albino zealots that want to stay marred in stupidity. Will Smith plays opposite of Bernie as the Other Last Man on Earth. Then the film takes an interesting turn as Bernie becomes president of the albino zealots because he\u2019s the only one that can make sunscreen. Oscar Prediction: Bernie gets the nod and Will Smith bitches about it profusely.<\/p>\n<p><em>Primary Colors-<\/em> This is actually not a remake of the 1998 movie where John Travolta played a thinly veiled version of Bill Clinton despite the joy that could come from watching Sanders pretend to be married to a Hillary doppelg\u00e4nger. Instead, this would be a remake of the 1988 gang war film <em>Colors <\/em>with a political spin. Bernie and Hillary play bitter rivals Bonecrusher and Lil\u2019 HRC respectively. Both are vying to run the Crip Mob and nothing will get in their way. It isn\u2019t until a punk cop named Pacman guns down an up and coming banger named Q Bert that the two join forces and take down the corrupt LAPD police commissioner played by Donald Trump\u2019s wig.<\/p>\n<p>We only can pray that at least one of these can get the Greenlight and make the multiplexes by November. Why don\u2019t you pick which one you want to see, let us know and we\u2019ll take a page out of the book of Kanye and create a Jumpstart campaign?<br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.cinemastance.com\/bernie-goes-to-hollywood-5-remakes-that-need-to-be-made\/a3-309\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-10832\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-10832\" src=\"http:\/\/www.cinemastance.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/a3-5.jpg\" alt=\"a3\" width=\"977\" height=\"630\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There are few truths in this world. That\u2019s a fact. Water is wet in it\u2019s liquid form. The world is round-ish. Birds are stupid. All true yet none ring more objective than these two factoids: Hollywood Loves remakes\/reboot\/do-overs with a capital L. Why worry about what a movie is about when you can just make [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":10828,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[2585,6128,9177,9253,16231,16848],"class_list":["post-10827","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-feature-articles","tag-bernie-sanders","tag-donald-trump","tag-hilary-clinton","tag-hollywood","tag-political-films","tag-remakes"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":8}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10827","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10827"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10827\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10827"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10827"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10827"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}