{"id":1612,"date":"2015-05-04T12:54:54","date_gmt":"2015-05-04T19:54:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cinemastance.com\/?p=1612"},"modified":"2015-05-04T12:54:54","modified_gmt":"2015-05-04T19:54:54","slug":"and-open-letter-to-hollywood-regarding-remakes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/?p=1612","title":{"rendered":"An Open letter to Hollywood regarding Remakes…"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Dear Hollywood,<\/p>\n

I have an idea but, don\u2019t worry, it isn\u2019t very original. The recent onslaught of remakes being presented at the multiplexes lately sparked this thought: I propose you stop flirting with the notion and give us ONLY Remakes- all the time<\/strong>. You are so close to delivering this as it is. Why not go all in. This is how I think Hollywood should go about it.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s pick a year and \u201cre-imagine\u201d every film released that particular year. This way you remove the annoying element of the movie making process that requires figuring what actually happens in the film and you can focus on the important part: making the money. Why gamble on new and original ideas when you can stick with the proven ones?<\/p>\n

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I further propose that the year we call \u201cdo-over\u201d on is 1985. That was a year that had plenty of fresh concepts just ripe for redux. You get started now and you can begin releasing in 2016. We can even release these re-hashings in the same order, having those films released on the first weekend of January 1985 re-released on the first weekend of January 2016 and so forth.<\/p>\n

Early January we can have a modern telling of \u201cBlood Simple\u201d. The Coen Brothers should be up for taking the helm again on this one, their seminal film. The master auteurs who gave us \u201cTrue Grit\u201d and \u201cThe Ladykillers\u201d will only be following suit as they mine their own filmography.<\/p>\n

\"a1\"<\/a>
\nFebruary we will see \u201cThe Breakfast Club\u201d- bigger, better and younger. Maybe set it in a middle school and take out the bad language. Go for the \u201cGlee\u201d crowd. Maybe get Justin Bieber to play Molly Ringwald? Throw in a couple of songs? \u201cThe Breakfast Glee Club\u201d.<\/p>\n

March will see the first of two Chuck Norris remakes: \u201cMissing in Action 2:The Beginning\u201d followed by \u201cInvasion U.S.A\u201d later in the year. I move that we do not recast these films but get Mr. Norris himself to dust off his Uzis. I will not joke about these masterpieces. I fear Chuck Norris.<\/p>\n

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We also have \u201cMask\u201d, the true story of Rocky Dennis that suffered from serious deformity originally starring Cher. I say two birds\/one stone with this one and cast Jim Carrey as his character from \u201cThe Mask\u201d to play Mr. Dennis. Two remakes at a time.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust One of the Guys\u201d but flip and call it \u201cJust One of the Girls\u201d. It can be a Wayans Brothers vehicle. Or Rob Schneider. Or whatever.<\/p>\n

The summer schedule heats up with some real favorites that audiences will be clamoring to re-visit. 1985 saw both \u201cRocky IV\u201d and \u201cRambo: First Blood Part II\u201d released. Let\u2019s give these to Norris as well. If it is at all possible, do not piss off Norris. Also, I am noticing that roman numerals were really big when it came to sequels in \u201885. Let\u2019s ditch that and call our new versions \u201cRocky 4\u201d and \u201cRambo 2\u201d as a way of deceitfully conveying that these are different from their predecessors.<\/p>\n

June we will get a new dose of \u201cThe Goonies,\u201d \u201cSt. Elmo\u2019s Fire,\u201d and \u201cCocoon\u201d. These are all pretty good to begin with so we will just release the originals in 3-D. That\u2019s actually an extremely easy way to regurgitate a flick so we will give the 3-D treatment to \u201cReal Genius\u201d and \u201cThe Black Cauldron\u201d as well.
\n\"a2\"<\/a>
\nHere\u2019s my favorite: Since Tim Burton has turned himself into the preeminent creator of remakes with his recent output including \u201cre-imaginings\u201d of \u201cAlice in Wonderland,\u201d \u201cCharlie and the Chocolate Factory\u201d and \u201cDark Shadows,\u201d why not take another crack at his first film and remake \u201cPee Wee\u2019s Big Adventure\u201d? He did it with “Frankenweenie.” Here\u2019s the pitch: \u201cPee Wee\u2019s Big Adventure\u201d starring Johnny Depp! Then he can start \u201creimagining\u201d his entire filmography: \u201cBeetlejuice\u201d starring Johnny Depp, \u201cBatman\u201d
\nstarring Johnny Depp and even \u201cEdward Scissorhands\u201d starring Johnny Depp!!!
\n\"a3\"<\/a>
\nFinally, there\u2019s \u201cBack to the Future\u201d. Let\u2019s keep in line with director Robert Zemeckis\u2019 latest tendencies and make the film in that creepy motion-capture cartoon thing he\u2019s been doing for the last decade (\u201cThe Polar Express,\u201d \u201cA Christmas Carol\u201d). We set the film in current time and Marty goes back in time to 1985. Done. We\u2019ll get Chuck Norris to play Doc Brown. It\u2019ll be great, again.
\nNo surprises, no uncharted territory, and no challenging, new ideas that actually take some mind power to process.<\/p>\n

Thanks for your time,
\nDavid C Pinson<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Hollywood, I have an idea but, don\u2019t worry, it isn\u2019t very original. The recent onslaught of remakes being presented at the multiplexes lately sparked this thought: I propose you stop flirting with the notion and give us ONLY Remakes- all the time. You are so close to delivering this as it is. Why not […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1621,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[118,2167,2447,4403,11395,16848,17202,20173,20293,22889],"class_list":["post-1612","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-feature-articles","tag-1985-movies","tag-back-to-the-future","tag-beetlejuice","tag-chuck-norris","tag-justin-bieber","tag-remakes","tag-robert-zemeckis","tag-the-breakfast-club","tag-the-coen-brothers","tag-tim-burton"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":8}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1612","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1612"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1612\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1612"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1612"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1612"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}