{"id":2500,"date":"2012-03-09T04:38:44","date_gmt":"2012-03-09T12:38:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cinemastance.com\/?p=2500"},"modified":"2012-03-09T04:38:44","modified_gmt":"2012-03-09T12:38:44","slug":"john-carter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/?p=2500","title":{"rendered":"John Carter is a Convoluted Sci-Fi Flop"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\nRemember back in 2000 when the Great Disney Studios released \u201cDinosaur,\u201d the ingeniously titled film about a dinosaur? Don\u2019t worry about it if you don\u2019t, the movie was intensely  forgettable;  a bland action movie that cost the company hundreds of millions due to overwrought special effects that where there to hide the fact that the film was a rip-off of \u201cLand Before Time\u201d.  The clunker made very little to recoup costs because no one was impressed.<\/p>\n

My point is this: Disney should have learned a lesson with \u201cDinosaur\u201d and chucked the script for \u201cJohn Carter\u201d out the window as soon as it hit Mickey\u2019s desk. (I\u2019m not sure that the Mouse is still green lighting projects, actually. That\u2019s really an assumption.)<\/p>\n

\u201cJohn Carter\u201d is a screaming example of what is wrong with the Big Hollywood Summer Movie and can\u2019t get anything right. Case in point: It isn\u2019t even being released in the summer. The gutless actioner mistakes loud spectacle  for entertaining storytelling and has very little redeeming qualities.
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\nThe sad (and disappointing) thing here is that \u201cJohn Carter\u201d is the much publicized first live action effort of PIXAR Studios alum Andrew Stanton, the man who has helmed modern day classics; \u201cWall-E\u201d and \u201cFinding Nemo\u201d. Stanton knows how to tell a nuanced story and stage a scene. Unfortunately, his skills only translate in the virtual world and \u201cJohn Carter\u201d is as clunky and disjointed as any novice director\u2019s work you\u2019ll see. Only difference is this guy was given somewhere north of $250 million to prove he\u2019s got a ways to go before he should be given $250,000 dollars to make a film with real people.<\/p>\n

\u201cJohn Carter\u201d is based on a character created by Edgar Rice Burroughs, the man who put the loin cloth on Tarzan and deemed him king of the jungle. Carter (Taylor Kitsch)  is an ex-Confederate soldier who gets transported to Mars and finds himself in the middle of a battle between two warring factions. One side is good and wears blue handkerchiefs while the villains are adorned with red handkerchiefs. The good guys have a princess named Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins) who is plenty pretty and looks like an exotic woman you would find in a Frank Frazetta painting. Carter, of course, sides with the pretty lady and takes up arms against the treacherous Sab Than (Dominic West). Carter soon realizes that the true threat is a race called the Therns, immortal beings lead by the Holy Hakkador Matai Shang (the go-to bad guy of the moment Mark Strong).<\/p>\n

\u201cJohn Carter\u201d is packed with long, unpronounceable names and bizarre language that only diehard fans of the novels will be able to follow. While the movie bears resemblance to (because the books inspired…) many modern sci-fi films (\u201cStar Wars,\u201d \u201cAvatar,\u201d etc.) the one film that it most resembles is the 1984 version of \u201cDune\u201d. Both are filled with too many characters and stiff language that can play like gobbltygook to the average audience member. I would like to say that this train wreck will at least be enjoyed by 8 year-old boys but the story is too convoluted to keep them interested for the 132 minute run time.
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\nFor all the money pumped into it, the effects and CG character design aren\u2019t even impressive. The world is grossly underpopulated and doesn\u2019t seem inhabited. Carter has a doglike sidekick but there is only one of them to be seen. There are the humanlike characters and the Tharks (tall, skinny alien types with face tusks) but nothing lives in the background. The sets look cold and unlived in while the costumes look like costumes; never been worn before.<\/p>\n

As a leading man Kitsch grumbles through the movie fine but he is a little too cold to fully embrace. Collins is, again, pretty but that\u2019s about it. The use of no-names was probably a poor choice but star power didn\u2019t save \u201cCowboys and Aliens\u201d either. I don’t know if there is anything salvageable here.<\/p>\n

I could continue and complain about the vanilla music score, lack of heart,  poor action sequences and worthless,flat 3D that works only to dim the image but I\u2019ll stop.  \u201cJohn Carter\u201d is a bomb. If Disney is content on throwing money away like this, they should feel free to send me a check and I’ll blow it nice and proper for them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Remember back in 2000 when the Great Disney Studios released \u201cDinosaur,\u201d the ingeniously titled film about a dinosaur? Don\u2019t worry about it if you don\u2019t, the movie was intensely  forgettable;  a bland action movie that cost the company hundreds of millions due to overwrought special effects that where there to hide the fact that the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":2506,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[704,1395,5933,6716,10835,12825,19622],"class_list":["post-2500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-movie-reviews","tag-action-movies","tag-andrew-stanton","tag-disney-studios","tag-edgar-rice-burroughs","tag-john-carter-movie","tag-lynn-collins","tag-taylor-kitsch"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":8}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2500","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2500"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2500\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2500"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2500"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cinemastance.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2500"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}